The Baynhams

Once upon a time there was a lady who lived in a cottage in a far away land "Down Under"

The lady liked porridge. The lady's family liked porridge too. The lady had an alarm clock which liked to wake the lady at 6am so she could make porridge for her family who were still sleeping fast in their warm beds. The lady had to leave for work at 6.30am so she stood and stirred and she stirred and stood as the porridge bubbled and cooked.

The lady was cross and cranky. She wanted to look at her emails but the porridge needed stirring. What could she do? She wanted to be a lazy lady who could get out of bed and spoon a delicious bowl of cooked porridge into a bowl and sit down in front of her emails while she ate. She thought about kicking her snoring husband out of bed at 5.50am to cook the porridge but that didn't work. She thought about cooking it the night before but it was too thick and lumpy the next morning. What ever would she do?

The lady had heard rumours about a magical pot that could cook a meal slowly over many hours. What if she put her porridge oats, water and milk in this magic pot and it would cook her porridge overnight for her? The lady was very excited. For many days and many nights she talked and talked about the magic pot. Her snoring husband wanted to stuff his ears with cotton tufts to muffle out the sounds of lazy lady's nagging. But lazy lady was a determined lady. She searched the kingdom far and wide until she found the perfect magical pot. It was in a far away glen called Target. The wicked witch of Target normally wanted 87 pieces of gold for such a magic pot. On this fortuitous day the witch was having a 40% off all electrical products and so the lazy lady leapt for joy as she parted with only 47 pieces of gold. She returned to her cottage with a very smug look upon her face.

That night the lazy lady put 1 cup of porridge oats, 1 and 1/2 cups of water and 1 cup of milk in her magic pot. She read the magic recipe booklet that came with her magic pot. There was no instructions for cooking porridge and only two choices of heat to cook at: High or Low. Lazy Lady did not want to wake to raw uncooked porridge so she choose high and went to bed. 7 hours later Lazy lady got out of bed in her cozy cottage and crept through the house in bare feet. She opened the lid of her magic pot to smell burnt porridge. The lady flew into a terrible rage and stood with cold feet stirring and cursing and cursing and stirring until a new batch of porridge was cooked in her plain old saucepan. The snoring husband chuckled to himself in his warm bed as her heard Lazy Lady's ranting and raving.

That night Lazy Lady tried again but this time she choose low heat. She went to bed and slept, blissfully unaware that he magic cooking pot was once again burning her porridge oats to a cinder. Lazy Lady flew into an even more terrible rage when she realised that her magic cooking pot was full of foul burnt sludge and yet again she had to stand and stir and stir and stand on the cold kitchen floor with cold feet, cranky and cross and unable to check her emails.

Lazy Lady had a plan. It did not involve magical cooking pots. It did not involve snoring husband. Lazy Lady whispered in the ear of her Fairy Godmother who waved her magic wand and in a puff of smoke...

...Lazy Lady checked her emails and updated her facebook status on her brand new portable Asus EEE PC 1000HE Netbook from the comfort of her kitchen counter and lived...